Pump Jokes

All the places where I can get fuel are like family to me. They're my pump kin.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pump Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I remember when air pumps for car tyres used to be free, now they cost £1. The rising cost of inflation. I left my job running an air pump. Couldn’t handle the… Continue reading Pump Jokes

Caterpillar Jokes

Went to investigate a rumour about a giant caterpillar in the city, when I got there it turned out to be an urban moth.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Caterpillar Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I was on the grass looking for caterpillar tracks. That’s when I got run over by a tank. The caterpillar missed his opportunity to play in the football match because he was… Continue reading Caterpillar Jokes

Coat Jokes

I saw a knight wearing a coat shaped like an octopus. Apparently it was his coat of arms.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Coat Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… My local decorator has a tiny wardrobe. He only needs one coat. Once went to a Prime Minister themed fancy dress party as Winston Churchill, complete with suit, coat and hat. Didn’t… Continue reading Coat Jokes

Chilli Jokes

I made some tiny jackets for my jalapenos because they were a little chilli.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of chilli Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I was in the kitchen and knocked over all the mince, rice and spices. It was chilli con carnage. How do you work out how heavy a chilli pepper is? Give it… Continue reading Chilli Jokes

Miner Jokes

Applied for a job extracting coal but they said I didn't have the right experience. Never mined.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Miner Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I bumped cars with someone who was going to dig for coal. Not a big smash, just miner damage. Group of guys covered in coal dust walk into a bar. The barman… Continue reading Miner Jokes

Design Jokes

A web designer I know got into trouble with his manager for deciding to use left aligned text, because it wasn't justified.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Design Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend of mine just finished his A levels. he studied music of the 1970s, Scandinavia, the history of Eurovision and outlandish fashion design. he got ABBA. Friend of mine got a job… Continue reading Design Jokes

Cage Jokes

Went to a wedding in a Faraday Cage. The service was lovely but the reception was awful.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cage Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What was the Soviet Union’s most secretive insect? The Cagey Bee. I spotted a lion in a cage at the zoo the other day. He looks like a leopard now. Went on… Continue reading Cage Jokes

Cracker Jokes

A friend of mine said "I want a cracker. I want a cracker". Of course, I'm just parrot phrasing them.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cracker Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I gave my parrot a cracker the other day. Not sure it suited the paper hat though. I opened a new box of animal crackers the other day. It said on the… Continue reading Cracker Jokes

Diamond Jokes

"Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds". John Lennon lost at Cluedo every time.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Diamond Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”. John Lennon lost at Cluedo every time. I was driving down a road that was surfaced with emeralds, rubies and diamonds. I think it was a… Continue reading Diamond Jokes