Tag: Joke

Pond Jokes

A chicken walks up to a pond and says "book book book!". A frog looks at it and said "read it. read it".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of pond Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend of mine used to live in a duck pond, but he moved out when he got fed up with all the bills. Two ducks on a pond in Belfast. One… Continue reading Pond Jokes

Archaeology Jokes

Archaeologists have no need for Tinder. They already have the best dating techniques.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Archaeology Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’ve just seen a archaeologist sat in a bar talking to a piece of coal. He must be carbon dating. My friend’s career is in ruins. He’s an archaeologist. A friend of… Continue reading Archaeology Jokes

Mash Jokes

I was going to buy some fermented grain mash online, but it sounded like whiskey business.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mash Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What does The Hulk say when someone tries to steal his mashed potatoes? Hulk’s Mash! I wrote a song about the sausage I serve with mashed potatoes. It’s a banger. Someone asked… Continue reading Mash Jokes

Adventure Jokes

Thought I'd get tired on my mountain climbing adventure but turned out I was in peak condition.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Adventure Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Used to drive a race car shaped like a rose. You put the petal to the metal and it would take you on a blooming adventure. When on an adventure on a… Continue reading Adventure Jokes

Invitation Jokes

Invited a vampire I know to dinner but he said he doesn't go to steakhouses.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Invitation Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I call my mate The Exorcist. Every time I invite him round for Burns Supper, the spirits disappear. Managed to get an invite to the Archery Annual Ball. I had to pull… Continue reading Invitation Jokes

Cream Jokes

A friend of mine isn't sure whether he believes in the existence of creamy alcoholic drinks. He's eggnogstic.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cream Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Turned up at a fancy dress party as sponge, jelly, custard and cream half an hour before anyone else arrived. I was a trifle early. Friend went for a job at a… Continue reading Cream Jokes

Paddington Jokes

Every time someone says "bear in mind", I think of Paddington.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Paddington Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Annoyed that I wasn’t able to get a tattoo of Paddington on one bicep and of Winnie the Pooh on the other. I’ve got the right to bear arms. Good to see… Continue reading Paddington Jokes

Silent Jokes

Auditioned for a role in a silent version of Oliver Twist and got it. It's brilliant, I can't ask for more.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Silent Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because the p is silent. A friend of mine told me they wanted a ring. I told them to take their phone off… Continue reading Silent Jokes

Cube Jokes

A friend just gave me a sugar cube as a gift. I thought it was very sweet.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cube Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I tried tickling some Oxo cubes and they became a laughing stock. I was going to put ice cubes in my socks then I got cold feet. Following a recipe, says I… Continue reading Cube Jokes

Tile Jokes

Great new floor in my bathroom but you have to make sure you set them in just one direction. I got them from Harry's tiles.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tile Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Went to the DIY shop the other week and asked in which section I could find hammers, bricks and tiles. The chap said they were under Construction. I asked when they would… Continue reading Tile Jokes