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Pantomime Jokes

A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says “would you like a pint?” The horse says, “no, two halves”.

We’re just about still in the pantomime season – oh no you’re not, or it’s behind you! I hear you cry – so here are some pantomime jokes. Pantomimes are normally associated with lots of humour and funny jokes, so that’s where the similarity might end. As normal these come with no guarantee of hilarity… Continue reading Pantomime Jokes

Bell Jokes

I saw a toddler with a tiny Edam strapped to his bike. Must have been his baby bell.

It’s nearly Christmas, and today sees the winter solstice, so as Jethro Tull – the band, not the agriculturalist – would say, Ring Out Solstice Bells! Here are some bell jokes, and as normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       A man goes into a library and asks for… Continue reading Bell Jokes

Plug Jokes

Really nice car park here. The sign says “You will be charged after 2 hours”. Very kind, I thought, as I plugged in my electric car.

The theme for this week’s puns and one liners is plug jokes. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Was going to plug my keyboard into the headphone socket of my laptop but was worried I might end up stereotyping. I was going to get an electric car… Continue reading Plug Jokes

Fridge Jokes

Bought a friend a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light up when he opened it.

This week’s page of puns and one liners takes the form of Fridge Jokes, so here are some that might leave you feeling a bit cold. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Bought a friend a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light… Continue reading Fridge Jokes

Quiz Jokes

One of my friends didn't show up for the pub quiz, so we called a statistician we know to make up the numbers.

This week saw me meeting up with a group of friends – one of whom is a regular reader of these jokes – for our regular pub quiz, and I thought that quiz jokes would be a good topic for this week’s puns and one liners. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity… Continue reading Quiz Jokes

Rugby Jokes

A friend of mine is a scrum half but be will never make it as a senior member of the legal profession. He’s far too quick to judge.

We’ve had pages on various sports and hobbies before, so here are some rugby jokes, that may be just a bit trying… As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality, but hopefully you will soon be a conversion to this type of humour…. And of course, when you’ve seen one rugby joke,… Continue reading Rugby Jokes

Nut jokes

What’s yellow, smells of almonds and swings from cake to cake? Tarzipan.

It’s November, and the season of nuts in the UK, so as I have spent the last few weeks munching through hazel nuts, walnuts, peanuts and the like, here are some nut jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I’ve started using garlic in my magic act.… Continue reading Nut jokes

Turnip Jokes

Anyone who thinks onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never dropped a turnip on their toe.

We’ve just had Halloween, and although the current trend is for Jack O’Lanterns made out of pumpkins, the traditional option was the turnip. Growing up in Northern Ireland, I had many attempts at carving a turnip, and it takes a lot more effort than a pumpkin. Not only that, but the smell of a turnip… Continue reading Turnip Jokes

Spray Jokes

A lorry carrying a load of sinus sprays has crashed on the M6. Police say there will be no congestion in the area for 4 hours.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a Joke Spray? Just press here for some puns… No idea why, but the topic for this week’s one liners is Spray Jokes, and as normal, they come with no guarantee with hilarity or originality. The closest we have to a joke spray is an hourly joke delivered on… Continue reading Spray Jokes

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