The horse says no two halves

Pantomime Jokes

We’re just about still in the pantomime season – oh no you’re not, or it’s behind you! I hear you cry – so here are some pantomime jokes. Pantomimes are normally associated with lots of humour and funny jokes, so that’s where the similarity might end. As normal these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…




Why is a pantomime often just called a panto? Because mime is silent.


Why is Cinderella rubbish at football? Her coach was a pumpkin.


A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says “would you like a pint?” The horse says, “no, two halves”.


Why does Dick Whittington have a beard? Because nine out of ten owners know that their cats prefer whiskers.


I had a job as part of a pantomime horse team once, but I quit when I was a head.


I asked the librarian for a book on pantomimes. He said, “It’s behind you”.


An actor I know kept falling through the floor in pantomime. I think it was just a stage he was going through.


The djinni in the local pantomime has a dog. He’s a labracadabrador.


Apparently Snow White has taken up a new career as a judge. After all, she’s the fairest of them all.


Unfortunately Cinderella didn’t make it as a footballer. She kept running away from the ball.




Last week’s Bell Jokes are here.

If you like these pantomime jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us on Facebook.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *