Category: Randomness

Alphabet Jokes

I used to wonder what font was used for the letters in Alphabet Soup, turns out it's Times New Ramen.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Alphabet Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Consonant please. Now a vowel. And another consonant. Alphabeti Spaghetti can take a long time to serve in my house. I’ve invented alphabet butter. Now just need to spread the word. Someone… Continue reading Alphabet Jokes

Hoop Jokes

I put herbs and spices on my hula hoop before I used it, then I realised it was a waist of thyme.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Hoop Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend’s dog just got a place in a canine display team. It wasn’t easy, he had to jump through hoops to get it. Bought a hula hoop and it kept attacking people.… Continue reading Hoop Jokes

Knitting Jokes

Had to get my knitting needles fixed. They just didn't seam right.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Knitting Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend with knitting needles told me he has a pattern for sunglasses. I think he’s trying to pull the wool over my eyes. A police officer spotted a man driving along… Continue reading Knitting Jokes

Alice in Wonderland Jokes

I've got more jokes about Alice in Wonderland but let's not go down that rabbit hole…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Alice in Wonderland Jokes. It’s timely, as the book was set on 4th May, a date these days associated with another fictional world of wonder. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… “My girlfriend keeps telling me I’m like a character… Continue reading Alice in Wonderland Jokes

Tortoise Jokes

Why don't you see many tortoises wearing scarves? They have turtlenecks.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tortoise Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The police interviewed a sloth who was mugged by some tortoises. He said, “it all happened so quickly”. I’ve discovered the secret of a long life. Be born as a giant tortoise.… Continue reading Tortoise Jokes

Rumour Jokes

Rumour has it that all the judges aspire to go to play basketball on top of the local skyscraper. It's the highest court in the country.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rumour Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Heard a rumour that the local dentists are going on strike. Brace yourselves… Heard a rumour of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth. I heard a rumour that… Continue reading Rumour Jokes

Violin Jokes

I saw a pig who plays the violin walking with a limp. Turns out he'd pulled a hamstring.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Violin Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Apparently Karl Marx’s toilet plays music when it flushes because of the violins inherent in the cistern. Saw an advert for a really quiet violin on eBay. No strings attached. Local pub… Continue reading Violin Jokes

Tickle Jokes

Tried tickling a keg of beer once. Ended up with a barrel of laughs.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tickle Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What’s small, white and laughs a lot in salads? A tickled onion. Finally found out how you make a giant squid laugh. Ten tickles. I used some magic to make some fog… Continue reading Tickle Jokes

Degree Jokes

Doing a degree in sandwich making. I've one more eggs/ham to go, and when I complete the salad section I'll have lettuce after my name.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Degree Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The recipe said “place the stew in the oven at 180 degrees”. Now it’s poured all over the place. I always find square rooms are very hot. All the corners are 90… Continue reading Degree Jokes

Bald Jokes

A balding friend of mine has finally cut off his remaining pony tail. It was a hipsterectomy.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Bald Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A bald friend had some rabbits tattooed on his head. They look like hares from a distance. Bought a bald friend a comb for his birthday. He says he’ll never part with… Continue reading Bald Jokes

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