Tag: jokes

Court Jokes

Lost a court case when the judge called me egotistical. I'm appealing.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Court Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Rumour has it that all the judges aspire to go to play basketball on top of the local skyscraper. It’s the highest court in the country. Two teams of engineers were arguing… Continue reading Court Jokes

Chef Jokes

The great chef who cooked for Pharaohs was Gordon Rameses II.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of XXXXX Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend of mine puts blood, sweat and tears into everything he does. Great guy, awful chef. I asked a friend who is a chef if he ever served almost raw steak. He… Continue reading Chef Jokes

Stomach Jokes

Told my doctor that I suck my stomach in when I weigh myself. He said that wouldn't help, but it's the only way I can read the scales.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Stomach Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I ate a caterpillar once and ended up with butterflies in my stomach. I was going to make a haggis, but I didn’t have the stomach for it… Friend of mine got… Continue reading Stomach Jokes

Saint Jokes

The patron saint of not being in love is St Francis of 10cc.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Saint Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Who is the patron saint of emails? St Francis of a CC. A young mouse saw a bat & thought it was St Michael the angel. What did St Patrick say as… Continue reading Saint Jokes

Wax Jokes

My friend who is allergic to wax, is amazing. No one can hold a candle to him.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Wax Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Saw a model of a young Darth Vader at the local wax museum. It was Mannequin Skywalker. Does anyone know how to cure earwax? If so, give me a shout. Candle wax.… Continue reading Wax Jokes

Recycling Jokes

I was thinking about setting up a business recycling the chewing gum on the street but I just can't get it off the ground.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Recycling Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Going to a recycling party this weekend. The invite said to bring a bottle. I used to work in a shoe recycling centre. It was sole destroying. I know someone who has… Continue reading Recycling Jokes

Invitation Jokes

Invited a vampire I know to dinner but he said he doesn't go to steakhouses.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Invitation Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I call my mate The Exorcist. Every time I invite him round for Burns Supper, the spirits disappear. Managed to get an invite to the Archery Annual Ball. I had to pull… Continue reading Invitation Jokes

Powder Jokes

I got told that bathroom powder is on a special offer. I said "talc is cheap".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Powder Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Decided to change my washing powder. It’s a bold move. A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit. I cooled some powdered snow to absolute… Continue reading Powder Jokes

Puncture Jokes

Went on a mindfulness retreat to lose the stress after getting a puncture. I learned the true meaning of letting go.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Puncture Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Got a puncture, used to cost 50p to reinflate it, now it’s £1. The price of inflation. Someone keeps puncturing tyres on cars around here. Police are looking tyrelessly for him. Got… Continue reading Puncture Jokes

Still Jokes

The Highlighter Paradox: No matter how fast it moves it will still be stationery.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Still Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Misheard my friend when they asked for lipstick and passed a glue stick. Still not talking to me. The caterpillar missed his opportunity to play in the football match because he was… Continue reading Still Jokes