Alien Jokes

Heard a great operatic song about aliens. Aria 51.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Alien Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend told me they were kidnapped by aliens who made them comb their hair, blow their nose and straighten their clothes. They were on the mothership. I used to wonder why aliens… Continue reading Alien Jokes

James Bond Jokes

Apparently when he's horse riding, instead of stirrups, James Bond uses shaken ups.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of James Bond Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Pub quiz didn’t go well. The quiz master asked “name a Bond villain”, but he just wouldn’t take No as an answer. How do you spot James Bond when he’s in… Continue reading James Bond Jokes

Question Jokes

"Are you capable?" First question I was asked in my superhero interview.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Question Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I went to a pub quiz last night. I could tell it was a rough place when the first question was “What are you looking at?” I’m selling a broken pub quiz… Continue reading Question Jokes

Squirrel Jokes

A friend of mine has started the new trendy Squirrel Diet. It's just nuts.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Squirrel Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in the countryside. One of the pupils replies, “five badgers and a squirrel”. A friend of mine has started… Continue reading Squirrel Jokes

Yoghurt Jokes

Opened the fridge to find a series of statues and paintings. Turns out I've left the yoghurt so long it's developed a culture.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Yoghurt Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Tried a green coloured frozen yoghurt the other day. It was mint. I saw a yoghurt floating across my kitchen. I think it might be paranormal activia. As I walked into my… Continue reading Yoghurt Jokes

Spin Jokes

Lots of people enjoy sport, but you're not really a fan unless you hold on to the ceiling and spin round cooling everyone down.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Spin Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend of mine invented a washing machine for bank notes. It’s a real money spinner. A friend did a PhD in Washing Machines. He’s a Spin Doctor. Scientists got bored watching… Continue reading Spin Jokes

Calculator Jokes

The minus key on my calculator is broken, but on the plus side it still works.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Calculator Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Got stopped by customs with a calculator, an exercise book, and a slide rule. Apparently they’re instruments of maths instruction. Always trusted my calculator. I can count on it. Managed to get… Continue reading Calculator Jokes

Rainbow Jokes

a hotel and was offered the black and white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rainbow Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… How do you wrap up some fog? With a rainbow… Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow. A friend of mine did his pilot’s exam just after… Continue reading Rainbow Jokes

Concrete Jokes

It annoys me when people misuse the words concrete, asphalt and gravel. It's all about cementics.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Concrete Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A fish swims into a concrete wall. Dam. I studied concrete for a while. It’s really hard. How do you start a concrete race? “Ready… Set…” I’m never sure of the difference… Continue reading Concrete Jokes

Quality Jokes

Quality jokes on social media remind me of CB radios. Copy that.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Quality Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Spell check: Quality control for wizards. My next door neighbour has a green triangular house. My other next door neighbour has a yellow rectangular house. And the people across the road have… Continue reading Quality Jokes