Tag: jokes

Pottery Jokes

I've made a statue of Dirty Harry in my pottery class. Go ahead, bake my clay.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pottery Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I made a statue of a boy wizard out of clay. It’s Harry Pottery. Sometimes, if you want to be good at pottery, you’ve got to urn it. The Pottery Batman shouts… Continue reading Pottery Jokes

Tube Jokes

I knew something had gone wrong on The Tube when I heard the driver on the radio saying "Euston, we have a problem"…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tube Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… It’s so hot that I need SPF1000. When you open the tube, a full length robe comes out. I put a video of me sneezing on YouTube and now the whole street… Continue reading Tube Jokes

Oven Jokes

Nothing changes when I'm trying to make posh bread in the oven. I'm just stuck with the status dough.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Oven Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Made a small gesture of appreciation towards my oven the other day. It was a micro wave. A hipster friend of mine cooks everything in a microwave. He doesn’t like conventional ovens.… Continue reading Oven Jokes

Hammer Jokes

A friend of mine is like lightening when hammering nails into his fence. He never strikes the same place twice.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Hammer Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I hate going to MC Hammer’s house. He wont let me touch anything. I’ve started this new fad diet. You have to hit garden buildings with a hammer. I’m just looking to… Continue reading Hammer Jokes

Pumpkin Jokes

f you eat too much pumpkin pie, you risk getting autumny ache.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pumpkin Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Why was Cinderella rubbish at skating? Her coach was a pumpkin. Why was the pumpkin lantern scared? It had no guts. Why do you see so many pumpkins sitting outside houses at… Continue reading Pumpkin Jokes

Giant Jokes

Heard a rumour of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Giant Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’ve discovered the secret of a long life. Be born as a giant tortoise. I’ve got a fear of giants. It’s called Feefiphobia. Local shoe company decided to make a giant sandal.… Continue reading Giant Jokes

Alien Jokes

Heard a great operatic song about aliens. Aria 51.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Alien Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend told me they were kidnapped by aliens who made them comb their hair, blow their nose and straighten their clothes. They were on the mothership. I used to wonder why aliens… Continue reading Alien Jokes

James Bond Jokes

Apparently when he's horse riding, instead of stirrups, James Bond uses shaken ups.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of James Bond Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Pub quiz didn’t go well. The quiz master asked “name a Bond villain”, but he just wouldn’t take No as an answer. How do you spot James Bond when he’s in… Continue reading James Bond Jokes

Question Jokes

"Are you capable?" First question I was asked in my superhero interview.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Question Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I went to a pub quiz last night. I could tell it was a rough place when the first question was “What are you looking at?” I’m selling a broken pub quiz… Continue reading Question Jokes

Squirrel Jokes

A friend of mine has started the new trendy Squirrel Diet. It's just nuts.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Squirrel Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in the countryside. One of the pupils replies, “five badgers and a squirrel”. A friend of mine has started… Continue reading Squirrel Jokes