Tag: jokes

Relish Jokes

I invented a relish, and it's selling well. It's my main sauce of income.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Relish Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend is making me a burger for dinner. I’m relishing it. I invented a relish, and it’s selling well. It’s my main sauce of income. Walked into a business meeting the… Continue reading Relish Jokes

Microphone Jokes

Hired someone to do a motivational talk. He came in, stood at the microphone, stared at us and left. We were left speechless.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Microphone Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Congratulations to all those finishing university at the moment. A friend just got his Microphone degree, graduating with a 1 2 1 2… Swallowed a hidden microphone once, ended up with a… Continue reading Microphone Jokes

Sparkling Jokes

Asked a soldier why he was running away with a bottle of sparkling wine, apparently he was told to take cava.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sparkling Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I lay back, looked at the sparkling stars, and thought “someone has stolen my tent”. Forgot to put the lid back on my sparkling bottle last night. Checked this morning, though, and… Continue reading Sparkling Jokes

Sleigh Jokes

You can get a sleigh online for £200, or £100 if you are willing toboggan.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sleigh Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What do young reindeer want for Christmas? A pony sleigh station. What is the difference between St George and Santa’s reindeer? One slays a dragon, the others are dragging a sleigh. How… Continue reading Sleigh Jokes

Tile Jokes

Great new floor in my bathroom but you have to make sure you set them in just one direction. I got them from Harry's tiles.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tile Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Went to the DIY shop the other week and asked in which section I could find hammers, bricks and tiles. The chap said they were under Construction. I asked when they would… Continue reading Tile Jokes

Cardboard Jokes

"Big fish, little fish, cardboard box". Me checking the stock when I worked in a fish shop.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cardboard Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’d make a belt out of cardboard but it would be a waist of paper. I live in a lighthouse. It’s made of cardboard. “Big fish, little fish, cardboard box”. Me checking… Continue reading Cardboard Jokes

Spark Jokes

I stopped using the beach beside the power station. I don't like to swim in spark infested water.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Spark Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Why did the two electrical cables split up? There was no spark between them. I’ve got an electrician friend who always has his interest sparked by the newspaper. He likes to keep… Continue reading Spark Jokes

Pottery Jokes

I've made a statue of Dirty Harry in my pottery class. Go ahead, bake my clay.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pottery Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I made a statue of a boy wizard out of clay. It’s Harry Pottery. Sometimes, if you want to be good at pottery, you’ve got to urn it. The Pottery Batman shouts… Continue reading Pottery Jokes

Tube Jokes

I knew something had gone wrong on The Tube when I heard the driver on the radio saying "Euston, we have a problem"…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tube Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… It’s so hot that I need SPF1000. When you open the tube, a full length robe comes out. I put a video of me sneezing on YouTube and now the whole street… Continue reading Tube Jokes

Oven Jokes

Nothing changes when I'm trying to make posh bread in the oven. I'm just stuck with the status dough.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Oven Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Made a small gesture of appreciation towards my oven the other day. It was a micro wave. A hipster friend of mine cooks everything in a microwave. He doesn’t like conventional ovens.… Continue reading Oven Jokes