Tag: one-liners

Stomach Jokes

Told my doctor that I suck my stomach in when I weigh myself. He said that wouldn't help, but it's the only way I can read the scales.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Stomach Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I ate a caterpillar once and ended up with butterflies in my stomach. I was going to make a haggis, but I didn’t have the stomach for it… Friend of mine got… Continue reading Stomach Jokes

Saint Jokes

The patron saint of not being in love is St Francis of 10cc.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Saint Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Who is the patron saint of emails? St Francis of a CC. A young mouse saw a bat & thought it was St Michael the angel. What did St Patrick say as… Continue reading Saint Jokes

Wax Jokes

My friend who is allergic to wax, is amazing. No one can hold a candle to him.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Wax Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Saw a model of a young Darth Vader at the local wax museum. It was Mannequin Skywalker. Does anyone know how to cure earwax? If so, give me a shout. Candle wax.… Continue reading Wax Jokes

Recycling Jokes

I was thinking about setting up a business recycling the chewing gum on the street but I just can't get it off the ground.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Recycling Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Going to a recycling party this weekend. The invite said to bring a bottle. I used to work in a shoe recycling centre. It was sole destroying. I know someone who has… Continue reading Recycling Jokes

Invitation Jokes

Invited a vampire I know to dinner but he said he doesn't go to steakhouses.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Invitation Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I call my mate The Exorcist. Every time I invite him round for Burns Supper, the spirits disappear. Managed to get an invite to the Archery Annual Ball. I had to pull… Continue reading Invitation Jokes

Powder Jokes

I got told that bathroom powder is on a special offer. I said "talc is cheap".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Powder Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Decided to change my washing powder. It’s a bold move. A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit. I cooled some powdered snow to absolute… Continue reading Powder Jokes

Puncture Jokes

Went on a mindfulness retreat to lose the stress after getting a puncture. I learned the true meaning of letting go.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Puncture Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Got a puncture, used to cost 50p to reinflate it, now it’s £1. The price of inflation. Someone keeps puncturing tyres on cars around here. Police are looking tyrelessly for him. Got… Continue reading Puncture Jokes

Still Jokes

The Highlighter Paradox: No matter how fast it moves it will still be stationery.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Still Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Misheard my friend when they asked for lipstick and passed a glue stick. Still not talking to me. The caterpillar missed his opportunity to play in the football match because he was… Continue reading Still Jokes

Doughnut Jokes

Doughnut production become more efficient when they decided to cut out the middle, man.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Doughnuts Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing. Slipping into my new diet slowly. I’ve started by blowing the sugar off my doughnuts. I asked Yoda what… Continue reading Doughnut Jokes

Quantum Jokes

Called the IT support desk about my quantum computer. They asked me to turn it off and turn it on at the same time.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Quantum Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… and a few might be a bit too science-y… Took my car to a quantum mechanic. He told me the wheels have no spin. Do quantum car mechanics have a minimum charge?… Continue reading Quantum Jokes