Tag: one-liners

Licence Jokes

I used to always go the extra mile. That's why I lost my taxi driving licence.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Licence Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Found out recently that James Bond is a big fan of pottery. He’s even got a licence to kiln. Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car? I used… Continue reading Licence Jokes

Graffiti Jokes

Bought some graffiti proof paint. It's unremarkable.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Graffiti Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend lost his job as a graffiti artist. To be fair, the writing has been on the wall for some time. Bought some graffiti proof paint. It’s unremarkable. I know a… Continue reading Graffiti Jokes

Lipstick Jokes

How do vampires fix their lipstick if they have no reflection?

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Lipstick Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Misheard my friend when they asked for lipstick and passed a glue stick. Still not talking to me. A duck walks into a make up store and says “Give me a lipstick,… Continue reading Lipstick Jokes

Trailer Jokes

Always find it hard to rent a trailer. I've never managed it without a hitch.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of trailer Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Saw a trailer filled with musicians with someone trying to fill up a car on it. I think they were trying to pump on the bandwagon. I haven’t seen that new film… Continue reading Trailer Jokes

Seagull Jokes

I saw a bird so big today that it was more than a seagull, maybe a d-gull. Or even an eagle.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Seagull Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Why did the seagull cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off. Which side of a seagull has most feathers? The outside. Heard about a seagull who stole a sausage. It… Continue reading Seagull Jokes

Trifle Jokes

Got in to trouble when I was in the army when they found me with trifles, ice cream and cakes. They said I was a desserter.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Trifle Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… In the local police station and saw an officer with three stripes eating a trifle. He was the custardy sergeant. Drove to work yesterday, almost no one else out. I saw a… Continue reading Trifle Jokes

Minecraft Jokes

How do Minecraft players measure their shoe size? In square feet.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Minecraft Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Weird thing about food in Minecraft is that it all tastes very gamey. How do Minecraft players stay fit? They run around the block. Why don’t Ender Dragons like reading books? They… Continue reading Minecraft Jokes

Pump Jokes

All the places where I can get fuel are like family to me. They're my pump kin.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pump Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I remember when air pumps for car tyres used to be free, now they cost £1. The rising cost of inflation. I left my job running an air pump. Couldn’t handle the… Continue reading Pump Jokes

Caterpillar Jokes

Went to investigate a rumour about a giant caterpillar in the city, when I got there it turned out to be an urban moth.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Caterpillar Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I was on the grass looking for caterpillar tracks. That’s when I got run over by a tank. The caterpillar missed his opportunity to play in the football match because he was… Continue reading Caterpillar Jokes

Coat Jokes

I saw a knight wearing a coat shaped like an octopus. Apparently it was his coat of arms.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Coat Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… My local decorator has a tiny wardrobe. He only needs one coat. Once went to a Prime Minister themed fancy dress party as Winston Churchill, complete with suit, coat and hat. Didn’t… Continue reading Coat Jokes