Tag: one-liners

Degree Jokes

Doing a degree in sandwich making. I've one more eggs/ham to go, and when I complete the salad section I'll have lettuce after my name.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Degree Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The recipe said “place the stew in the oven at 180 degrees”. Now it’s poured all over the place. I always find square rooms are very hot. All the corners are 90… Continue reading Degree Jokes

Bald Jokes

A balding friend of mine has finally cut off his remaining pony tail. It was a hipsterectomy.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Bald Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A bald friend had some rabbits tattooed on his head. They look like hares from a distance. Bought a bald friend a comb for his birthday. He says he’ll never part with… Continue reading Bald Jokes

Packet Jokes

A friend just gave me a packet of sugar as a gift. I thought it was very sweet.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Packet Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I was so tired this morning that after half an hour trying to do a jigsaw of a tiger, I realised it was actually a packet of Frosties. Standing in the supermarket,… Continue reading Packet Jokes

Piano Jokes

Since a bit of my piano got dirty it only plays music from the late 19th century about the human condition. Dusty F key.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Piano Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Why is it so hard to open a piano? Because all the keys are on the inside. Saw a fish that keeps musical instruments working properly. He’s a piano tuna. A friend… Continue reading Piano Jokes

Sail Jokes

Why don't the Jedi have a navy? Because sailing is a path to the dockside.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sail Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’ve started a new business making ships in bottles in my attic. Sails have hit the roof. Why are fast yachts like popular furniture stores? Both always seem to have a sail… Continue reading Sail Jokes

Satellite Jokes

When a satellite falls to earth, do newspapers publish its orbituary?

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Satellite Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… There aren’t many decent satellite jokes. Most go over your head. What do you call a robot that changes the direction of a satellite? R2 Detour. A satellite dish married an aerial.… Continue reading Satellite Jokes

Cymbal Jokes

It's not that hard to get a job as a percussionist, you just have to answer the cymbal questions.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cymbal Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The conductor told the drums, xylophones, cymbals, bells and gongs to play their section twice. There will be re-percussions. I keep hearing xylophones, cymbals and other percussion instruments in my loft. It’s… Continue reading Cymbal Jokes

Seed Jokes

My pet chickens don't seem to be able to eat the new seed I got them even though it looks perfect. It was described as impeccable.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Seed Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… That’s the last time I send my mate to get me some pollyfila. He’s come back with some parrot seed. I bought some bird seed months ago, but still haven’t managed to… Continue reading Seed Jokes

Museum Jokes

Went to the new Paris Disco museum, Le Grouvre.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Museum Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… and some are maybe best placed in a museum. The local television controller museum has had almost no visitors. People are not remotely interested. Local museum has a new dinosaur exhibit. Don’t… Continue reading Museum Jokes

Worm Jokes

The fact that we call them "Earth worms" implies that there's another planet inhabited by a different type of worm…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Worm Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Found some wormholes in my really old cabinet. Looked into it and it took me to a different galaxy. A friend of mine lost his job at a fishing supplies company. He… Continue reading Worm Jokes

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