Tag: humour

Change Jokes

How many Microsoft Excel users does it take to change a lightbulb? Monday 1st January 1990.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Change Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’ve moved the dustpan from the utility room to the cupboard and the vacuum cleaner to the basement. More sweeping changes to come. Fossils never change their plans, they’re always set in… Continue reading Change Jokes

Desert Jokes

After dinner, I ordered the desert. The sand was quite hard to swallow.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Desert Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws… If I was on a desert island, the record that I would most like to have is for long distance swimming.… Continue reading Desert Jokes

Horn Jokes

Thought I saw a horse with an antler, then I realised it was a unique horn.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Horn Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Saw a rhino made out of pastry, with a cream horn. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Hornaments… Why do cows have cow bells? Because their horns don’t work. What… Continue reading Horn Jokes

Zero Jokes

Love it when my partner quietly says "zero, null, ziltch, naught" to me. Whispering sweet nothings.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Zero Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Did you hear about the snowman who got cooled down to absolute zero? He’s 0K now. What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes. Love it when my partner quietly says “zero, null, ziltch,… Continue reading Zero Jokes

Pass Jokes

How did Scrooge manage to score the winning the goal? The ghost of Christmas passed…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pass Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Not to say that my wifi is rubbish but I get more bandwidth standing on the roof connecting to the internet on bypassing planes. Misheard my friend when they asked for lipstick… Continue reading Pass Jokes

Quarter Jokes

I went in to a bar in the US and saw a load of quarters and dimes on the bar. I thought "that makes a lot of cents".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Quarter Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I went in to a bar in the US and saw a load of quarters and dimes on the bar. I thought “that makes a lot of cents”. I bet on a… Continue reading Quarter Jokes

Cream Jokes

A friend of mine isn't sure whether he believes in the existence of creamy alcoholic drinks. He's eggnogstic.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cream Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Turned up at a fancy dress party as sponge, jelly, custard and cream half an hour before anyone else arrived. I was a trifle early. Friend went for a job at a… Continue reading Cream Jokes

Dust Jokes

I've moved the dustpan from the utility room to the cupboard and the vacuum cleaner to the basement. More sweeping changes to come.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Dust Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Group of guys covered in coal dust walk into a bar. The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve miners”. Since a bit of my piano got dirty it only plays music from… Continue reading Dust Jokes

Pin Jokes

When do soldiers get pinned down? When they are under a tack.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Pin Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Had a night out with Spinal Tap. We went eleven pin bowling. If you can’t hear a pin drop, then something is definitely wrong with your bowling. A man wearing a tie… Continue reading Pin Jokes

Stone Jokes

Got a copy of a Stone Roses from a bloke in the pub, think it was a pyrite copy.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Stone Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Fossils never change their plans, they’re always set in stone. There are hailstones the size of golf balls hitting the windows here. We’ve got a hole in one. Was going to make… Continue reading Stone Jokes