Kiss Jokes

I tried to kiss a bird once and ended up with a peck on the cheek.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Kiss Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I never kiss anyone on 1st January. It’s the first date. Went into a pub and asked if they did hot chocolate. The barman said “I’ll give it a go. It started… Continue reading Kiss Jokes

Stain Jokes

I saw a knight wearing greasy armour that meant weapons just slipped off it. It was stain mail.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Stain Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Worst thing about salsa dancing is getting the tomato stains out afterwards. I spilt a jar of Vanish on my sat nav. Now I can’t find Staines anywhere. I went into the… Continue reading Stain Jokes

Rug Jokes

Tried to speed up my magic carpet for the big race but was told I couldn't use performance enhancing rugs.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rug Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I got 20% off at the local carpet shop. I’m going to have to buy a big rug now to cover that bit. What did the rug say to the floor? Don’t… Continue reading Rug Jokes

Button Jokes

I used to wonder where they stored spare belly buttons, then I realised it's in the Naval Reserve.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Button Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Pressed the Hammer Function button on my new drill, and it keeps playing “You can’t touch this”. Not to say I’m out of date, but I just spent half an hour trying… Continue reading Button Jokes

Flag Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Flag Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… There are a lot of good things about Switzerland.  The flag is a big plus. What has Santa got in common with a flag?  You often find them both at the pole.… Continue reading Flag Jokes

Gravity Jokes

Gravity is a fundamental force. If you remove it, you get gravy.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Gravity Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Read a book about the relatively low gravity on the surface of Mars. Couldn’t put it down. Got some anti-gravity drinks. They’re very uplifting. I always find gravity disappointing. It always brings… Continue reading Gravity Jokes

Cinema Jokes

Told the doctor that I kept thinking I worked at a cinema. He told me I was just projecting.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cinema Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Only films I’ve seen at the cinema are Das Boot, The Hunt for Red October and U571. I only go for subtitles. Went to the cinema to see a film about playing… Continue reading Cinema Jokes

Alphabet Jokes

I used to wonder what font was used for the letters in Alphabet Soup, turns out it's Times New Ramen.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Alphabet Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Consonant please. Now a vowel. And another consonant. Alphabeti Spaghetti can take a long time to serve in my house. I’ve invented alphabet butter. Now just need to spread the word. Someone… Continue reading Alphabet Jokes

Hoop Jokes

I put herbs and spices on my hula hoop before I used it, then I realised it was a waist of thyme.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Hoop Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend’s dog just got a place in a canine display team. It wasn’t easy, he had to jump through hoops to get it. Bought a hula hoop and it kept attacking people.… Continue reading Hoop Jokes

Knitting Jokes

Had to get my knitting needles fixed. They just didn't seam right.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Knitting Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend with knitting needles told me he has a pattern for sunglasses. I think he’s trying to pull the wool over my eyes. A police officer spotted a man driving along… Continue reading Knitting Jokes