This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Diamond Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…
“Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”. John Lennon lost at Cluedo every time.
I was driving down a road that was surfaced with emeralds, rubies and diamonds. I think it was a jewel carriageway.
Neil Diamond was originally called Neil Coal until the pressure got to him.
My girlfriend wasn’t happy with my Christmas present for her. She wanted something with diamonds; I got her a deck of cards.
Saw a fake diamond. It was a carbon copy.
I saw someone sitting in a restaurant having dinner with a diamond ring. I think he was carbon dating.
Someone turned up at work today dressed as the ten of diamonds. I’ll deal with him later.
What jewellery is the safest to store your diamond? Locket.
I went to the School of Shoe Menders’ diamond jubilee dinner. What a load of old cobblers.
Just been to the greengrocer. Was going to buy my partner a diamond ring, but overheard them saying they wanted some carrots instead.
If you like these diamond jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.