Dessert jokes

With one-liners on food and restaurants in recent weeks, desserts – as in cakes, not as in sand – seems to be the next logical topic, so please do enjoy.  They come with the normal guarantee of unoriginality and unfunniness….




I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.


I opened a new box of animal crackers the other day. It said on the cover “don’t eat if seal is broken”. I checked the shapes, and it was.


My next door neighbour has a green triangular house. My other next door neighbour has a yellow rectangular house. And the people across the road have an orange octagonal house… I live in a quality street.





Last week’s restaurant jokes can be found here.

If you like these dessert jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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