Nettle Jokes

Local police have just planted a huge collection of nettles. They're going to be used in a sting operation.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Nettle Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I got stung by nettles recently. He over charged me for the full Bergerac VHS set. The most stinging plant based rock is Heavy Nettle. Someone asked me if I could prevent… Continue reading Nettle Jokes

Money Jokes

Pigeons must be wealthy. They have no problem putting deposits on expensive cars.

The theme of this week’s one-liners and puns is money jokes, which come with the normal caveats of not to expect them to be either too funny or too original.  I hope you enjoy them anyway….       When is it most likely to rain money? When there is change in the weather…  … Continue reading Money Jokes

Time Jokes

I asked if I could leave work early the other day, and the boss said yes, if I made up the time. I said "sure, it's twenty past fourteen".

After last week’s sign jokes, a similar one word theme for this week; time jokes.  Below are a series of one-liners that have a comment about time in some way (a few a bit tenuous), and all come with the usual caveats of a lack of originality and not being that funny.  I do hope… Continue reading Time Jokes

Sign Jokes

I saw a sign on shop door that said ‘Guide Dogs Welcome’. I walked in and was greeted by a Labrador who thanked me for shopping and took my coat.

Welcome to the first series of jokes for 2014.  After a few weeks of jokes about Christmas, and related topics like Christmas Crackers and jumpers, a new subject this week.   Here are some sign jokes, although do not expect the New Year to have brought a new quality of jokes, or any originality or… Continue reading Sign Jokes

More Christmas Cracker Jokes

How do we know that Santa is a racing driver? Because he is always in pole position.

I posted one or two – or many more – jokes last week that had a Christmas theme, but now that we have had Christmas and a few more have appeared, here are a few more Christmas Cracker jokes for you, which as always, may not be particularly original, or even that funny for that… Continue reading More Christmas Cracker Jokes

Christmas Cracker Jokes

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents...

As it’s the 20th December, it seems that there is only one topic that would be appropriate for this week’s puns and one-liners, and that is, of course, Christmas Cracker jokes.  I know that this list normally comes with the health warning that they are not particularly funny or original, and that is especially true… Continue reading Christmas Cracker Jokes

Christmas Jumper Jokes

A friend of mine loses his cool every time he tries to arrange his jumpers in the wardrobe. I think he needs some help with hangar management.

For those who are not aware, today is National Christmas Jumper Day (yes, there is such a thing), so it seems appropriate that the theme this week for the collection of puns and one-liners should be jumper jokes.  Just like all good Christmas pullovers, most of these are not particularly original or funny.  It may… Continue reading Christmas Jumper Jokes

Dessert Jokes

I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said "that's maderia cake".

With one-liners on food and restaurants in recent weeks, desserts – as in cakes, not as in sand – seems to be the next logical topic, so please do enjoy.  They come with the normal guarantee of unoriginality and unfunniness….       I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop.… Continue reading Dessert Jokes

Restaurant Jokes

Local pizza place has made the country's biggest pizza base. I'd love to see someone top that.

After last week’s food jokes, the topic this week is restaurant jokes, which as normal, come with no guarantee of being funny or original.  In fact quite the opposite.  I hope you enjoy them… Out for dinner last night, I ordered from The Specials menu. Think I had Too Much Fu Yung. Went to a… Continue reading Restaurant Jokes

Food jokes

A friend makes smoothies that make me think heaven is a place on earth. Blender Carlisle.

This week’s topic of jokes for a Friday is food, always a popular choice, at least with me.  As normal, these food jokes may not be your “cup of tea”, and don’t expect too much originality or them to be that funny…       I had a pelican curry the other day. It tasted… Continue reading Food jokes