Music Jokes

I thought I heard Tubular Bells on my farm last Christmas, but it was just my cold field.
I thought I heard Tubular Bells on my farm last Christmas, but it was just my cold field.

Following a request at a train station yesterday evening (really!), this week’s collection of not that funny or original puns and one liners is on the theme of music jokes….




U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them. It certainly takes the Edge off them.


When The Edge was at school, he was a border.


A friend of mine is a musician. He used to be in a band called The Hinges, used to be quite big. They supported The Doors.


Just walked by the fridge and heard a little voice singing Stayin’ Alive. Turned out just to be the chive talking.


Walked into a music shop and the manager said, “Good morning”. I said “You too”. He said, “Second aisle on the left”.


I thought I heard Tubular Bells on my farm last Christmas, but it was just my cold field.


I went to see The Clash but there was another band on at the same time.


My local dress alteration company is really fast.  Tailor swift.


I’ve got a joke about Elton John. It’s a little bit funny.


I bought a rocking chair. It keeps playing Black Sabbath.


Your taste in music can be determined by your chromosomes:
XY = Male
XX = Female
YYY = Delilah


“I’m Not So Excited” – the Disappointer Sisters


I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.


Just heard a bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘That’s Aboriginal.


I found myself in Gerry Rafferty’s Ladies Boutique the other day. Gowns to the left of me, chokers to the right…


How do you work out how heavy a chilli pepper is? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.


A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit.


One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music. Think it’s the Chopin board.


A man goes to the doctor and says “I keep singing Deliliah”. The doctor says “It’s Tom Jones Syndrome.” The patient asks “Is it common?” The doctor replies, “It’s Not Unusual…”


Steppenwolf was a pseudonym. The band was born Toby Wild.


I went to a record shop and asked, “have you got anything by the Doors?” He said, “Yes, a bucket of sand, a mop, a bucket and a brush”.


My friend got me a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I’m measurable now.


The Jam and Cream were both going to reform to play a series of gigs in Devon & Cornwall, but they couldn’t agree who would go on first


I keep hearing music coming from the printer. I think the paper is jamming…


John Lennon had a secret art collection, painted entirely in mauve, lilac, violet and lavender. Imagine all the purple…


At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is never more than a whim away.


If I was on a desert island, the record that I would most like to have is for long distance swimming.


Problems booking tickets for an Elvis tribute act, with an automated telephone system. I had to press 1 for the money …. 2 for the show…


I’ve invented a container which when poured, plays cool jazz music. It’s a hip flask.


Got my new Bon Jovi sat nav. Apparently I’m half way there.


Two wind turbines in a field. One says to the other “do you like music?”  The other replies “Yes, I’m a big heavy metal fan”.


Bought a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Still can’t find my way out of Paris.


I also bought a Bonnie Tyler car. Every now and then it falls apart.


At any given time, the urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is never more than a whim away…


I was thinking of buying some old editions of Classical Music magazine. I’m looking for the Bach issues.


My laptop keeps playing “Someone Like You”. It’s a Dell.


I was doing karaoke the other night, and all the songs were old disco classics. At first I was afraid. I was petrified.


I hate going to MC Hammer’s house. He wont let me touch anything.


A friend of mine does backing vocals. It’s his voice on the “this vehicle is reversing” messages.


A friend is in a band called 999Mb. They haven’t had a gig yet.


Another friend was in a band called Half Man Half Bull. The played a few gigs across the Midlands. It was a minor tour.


I know someone in a band called White Line. They’re very middle of the road.


A few goths I know where in a band called The Prevention. Much better than The Cure.


I went to see Placebo once.  I actually thought that they were The Cure.


Great new band called the Blank Cheques. They’re still unsigned.


How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts? Wi Jammin’…


What does Bob say to his friends? “I hope you like jammin’ too”….


I’ve written a song about tortilla. It’s more of a rap.


Where does Kylie get her kebabs?  From Jason’s Donner van.



The previous week’s jokes – the topic is Hallowe’en – are here.

The next week’s jokes – the topic is dentists – are here

If you like these music jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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