This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Eye Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…
A friend with knitting needles told me he has a pattern for sunglasses. I think he’s trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
For most people, carrots are good for your eyes. For snowmen, they’re better for noses.
I was at a party when a monster rolled his eyes at me, so I rolled them back to him.
Of course, they’re not called tears at a wedding. It’s eye dew.
I keep seeing bar code readers, printers, scanners and webcams out of the corner of my eye. It’s my peripheral vision.
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Why do scarecrows find it hard to share secrets? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Not saying that I’m having an off day but the best way to make my eyes light up is to shine a torch in my ear.
I said to the doctor at the hospital, “I keep dreaming my eyes change colour”. He said “It’s just a pigment of your imagination”
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
If you have X-ray vision and close your eyes, can you still see?
A friend rubbed tomato ketchup on his eyes. In Heinz sight, it wasn’t a good idea.
I keep thinking I can spot people staying at home and wearing masks. The doctor told me I have 20/20 vision.
When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s a moray.
I have a friend called Iain who has one eye bigger than the other.
I used to have trouble sleeping, now I can do it with my eyes closed.
If you like these eye jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.
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