Tag: humour

Oyster Jokes

Surprised they wouldn't accept my Oyster card in the local Shell station...

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Oyster Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Oysters never donate to charity. They’re shellfish.   What’s made of chocolate, has a shell and lives at the bottom of the sea? An oyster egg.   A friend… Continue reading Oyster Jokes

Radio Jokes

I get my love of music from my father, who was a conductor. He always listened to the radio on his bus.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Radio Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I’ve got a new radio alarm clock that plays Parklife by Blur. It wakes me up every morning except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen.… Continue reading Radio Jokes

Twitter Jokes

Every time I go on Twitter, I get this weird feeling that I'm being followed.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Twitter Jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter”. “Sorry, I don’t follow you”. Commented on Twitter earlier about a cold sore on my lip. Now it’s gone viral. Take heed… Continue reading Twitter Jokes

Cure Jokes

I've got an odd illness where I deny the existence of some 80s bands. There's no Cure.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cure Jokes, although they may well not cure anyone’s lack of laughter… as normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.       I asked the doctor if he could cure my measles. He said he doesn’t make rash promises.   A… Continue reading Cure Jokes

Sleep Jokes

I know someone who was habitually late, until his doctor recommended sleeping in a herb garden. Sounds odd, I know, but now he wakes up on Thyme.

This week’s page of puns and one liners takes the form of sleep jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I went to buy a new mattress the other day. I wasn’t sure about it, so the salesman told me to go away and sleep on it.… Continue reading Sleep Jokes

Pillow Jokes

Woke up this morning with a stir fry on my pillow. Think I was sleepwoking again.

This week’s collection of puns and one liners take the form of pillow jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I was at a raucous curry night when some people started throwing rice and a pilau fight ensued.   Dreamt that I was eating a giant marshmallow… Continue reading Pillow Jokes

Bill Jokes

A friend didn't pay his bill after someone removed the ghosts from his house and ended up being repossessed.

We don’t normally like getting bills, but hopefully these bill jokes will raise a smile. As always they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Bought a new sofa recently and it comes with three years free credit. Great news for my phone bill.   Managed to cut my bills in… Continue reading Bill Jokes

Bat Jokes

I saw Batman shampoo in the local supermarket. Can't understand why they aren't selling conditioner Gordon.

This week’s page of puns and one liners takes the form of bat jokes. AS normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       How does Dracula find his way around Transylvania? He uses Bat Nav.   A baby mouse went home on Halloween after seeing a bat and told his… Continue reading Bat Jokes

Manual Jokes

For sale: Midwife manuals. (Can deliver)

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of manual jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality….       Finally found the instruction manual that tells me why my alarm clock rings. It’s about time.   I’m looking for a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes, but… Continue reading Manual Jokes

Wine Jokes

My friend gets annoyed when I mess with his red wine. I added some fruit juice and now he's sangria than ever.

This week’s puns and one liners take the theme of wine jokes. As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality….       A friend has an excellent nose for wine. It’s shaped like a corkscrew.   A friend said a wine he tried recently was bitter and not properly fermented. Sounds… Continue reading Wine Jokes