This week’s page of puns and one liners takes the form of sleep jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…
I went to buy a new mattress the other day. I wasn’t sure about it, so the salesman told me to go away and sleep on it.
Woke up the other day with a puzzled look on my face. Had fallen asleep on my crossword.
I fitted an alarm clock to my shoe. It stops my foot from falling asleep.
I fell asleep beside the kitchen sink with the plug out. I feel completely drained now.
I dreamt I wrote The Hobbit the other night. I think I was Tolkein in my sleep.
Why do dragons often sleep during the day? So they can fight knights.
Why do clowns wear loud socks? To stop their feet falling asleep.
I sleep in a tower once every two weeks. It’s my fort night.
What dinosaur makes most noise when he is a sleep? Tyrannosnorus
Don’t think I could cope with a job as a coffee taster. How do they sleep at night?
Fell asleep on my smartphone the other day. I had downloaded a nap.
A friend gave up his job as a shepherd as every time he tried to count his flock, he fell asleep.
Couldn’t sleep, so went to a counsellor for advice. He said, “sleep on the edge of the bed, you’ll soon drop off”.
Taller people sleep longer in bed.
How do you know when it is time for cows to go to sleep? When it’s pasture bedtime.
I know someone who was habitually late, until his doctor recommended sleeping in a herb garden. Sounds odd, I know, but now he wakes up on Thyme.
If you like these sleep jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.