Tag: humour

Mortgage Jokes

Disappointed that the bank turned down a mortgage on a building for my Desserts by Drone business. They said it was just pie in the sky.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mortgage Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Went to the bank to sort out my mortgage and got directed to someone dressed as a cowboy. Think he was the loan arranger. Found out the interest that buccaneers pay on… Continue reading Mortgage Jokes

Mud Jokes

Was out cycling and someone told me that one of my mud flaps had fallen off. I said I'd carry on rear guardless.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Mud Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Went to Glastonbury once with a dull friend. They were a real stuck in the mud. I used to be addicted to mud wrestling but I’ve been clean for years now. Went… Continue reading Mud Jokes

Screen Jokes

Went on an online video call and a picture of a can of spam appeared on my screen. Think it was a zoom meat tin.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Screen Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Took me a while to get used to email, I used to stick stamps to the screen. I’ve just changed my screen size to 1366 x 766. It’s my New Year resolution.… Continue reading Screen Jokes

Waffle Jokes

Good waffles are like good cricket teams. You need a good batter.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Waffle Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles. I can tell I’m feeling hungry when I use loads of hashtags because they look like waffles. The… Continue reading Waffle Jokes

Relish Jokes

I invented a relish, and it's selling well. It's my main sauce of income.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Relish Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend is making me a burger for dinner. I’m relishing it. I invented a relish, and it’s selling well. It’s my main sauce of income. Walked into a business meeting the… Continue reading Relish Jokes

Microphone Jokes

Hired someone to do a motivational talk. He came in, stood at the microphone, stared at us and left. We were left speechless.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Microphone Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Congratulations to all those finishing university at the moment. A friend just got his Microphone degree, graduating with a 1 2 1 2… Swallowed a hidden microphone once, ended up with a… Continue reading Microphone Jokes

Sparkling Jokes

Asked a soldier why he was running away with a bottle of sparkling wine, apparently he was told to take cava.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sparkling Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I lay back, looked at the sparkling stars, and thought “someone has stolen my tent”. Forgot to put the lid back on my sparkling bottle last night. Checked this morning, though, and… Continue reading Sparkling Jokes

Sleigh Jokes

You can get a sleigh online for £200, or £100 if you are willing toboggan.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sleigh Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… What do young reindeer want for Christmas? A pony sleigh station. What is the difference between St George and Santa’s reindeer? One slays a dragon, the others are dragging a sleigh. How… Continue reading Sleigh Jokes

Tile Jokes

Great new floor in my bathroom but you have to make sure you set them in just one direction. I got them from Harry's tiles.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tile Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Went to the DIY shop the other week and asked in which section I could find hammers, bricks and tiles. The chap said they were under Construction. I asked when they would… Continue reading Tile Jokes

Cardboard Jokes

"Big fish, little fish, cardboard box". Me checking the stock when I worked in a fish shop.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cardboard Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I’d make a belt out of cardboard but it would be a waist of paper. I live in a lighthouse. It’s made of cardboard. “Big fish, little fish, cardboard box”. Me checking… Continue reading Cardboard Jokes