I needed rock paper scissors

Scissor Jokes

This week’s one liners and puns takes the theme of scissor jokes.  As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…



Tried to take a clip from Kerrang magazine. I realised I needed Rock Paper Scissors.


I entered the Scissors of the Year competition but I didn’t make the cut.


Looking for some scissors, I asked in the local shop if they keep stationery. Chap said “I move around a bit”.


Does the man in the moon use scissors to cut his hair? No, eclipse it.


Tried calling the local scissor factory.  I got cut off.


Rock music always beats the Scissor Sisters.  At least on paper…


Got annoyed that my scissors were being rude.  They kept making cutting remarks.


Managed to cut my bills in half.  I haven’t saved any money, just a bit obsessed with my scissors.


How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars.


Found that the best way to use scissors to make a perfect paper circle is not to cut any corners.


The scissors were going to stand for president of the stationery cupboard, but they couldn’t find anyone to run with them.






Last week’s crumble jokes are here.


If you like these scissor jokes, there is an alphabetical list of joke topics here.


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