This week’s puns and one liners take the form of James Bond Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…
Pub quiz didn’t go well. The quiz master asked “name a Bond villain”, but he just wouldn’t take No as an answer.
How do you spot James Bond when he’s in disguise? Give him measles.
Dong. Ding Dong.
– James Bond’s doorbell.
I was so starstruck when James Bond walked into the bar I was working in and asked for a vodka martini. I was shaking.
My pet bird trimmed his feathers and now he thinks he’s James Bond. He’s a shorn canary.
James Bond’s replacement doesn’t use any gadgets and takes public transport. He’s called Savings Bond.
Bond never breaks wind in bed. It would blow his cover.
Got the new Bond themed calculator. It’s a Casio Royale.
Apparently when he’s horse riding, instead of stirrups, James Bond uses shaken ups.
Got a new Bond themed jacuzzi. Bubble 07.
Got told to invest my money in bonds, so I’ve bought 100 copies of Live and Let Die.
If you like these James Bond jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.