Garden Jokes

Why is Hulk such a good gardener? He's got green fingers.
Why is Hulk such a good gardener? He's got green fingers.

It may be frosty weather here at the moment, but it won’t be long until spring is here, the grass needs cut and we are back in our gardens enjoying nature and outdoor living, so here are a few garden jokes to get you ready. As normal, they come with no guarantee of originality or humour… and some of them are old enough to have had the grass grow around them.




A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.


Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped it would come up half cut.


Why is Hulk such a good gardener? He’s got green fingers.


My wife asked me if I thought we needed new garden furniture. I’m sitting on the fence.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.


I know someone who was arrested, next day he was in his garden sitting on a haystack. He’d been let out on bale.


What sort of cow helps with the gardening? A lawnmoo-er


I don’t buy flowers from monks. I like to do my bit to prevent florist friars.


Someone keeps taking the gates from local gardens. Our neighbours are worried that they’ll take a fence.


I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.


A friend perfected his garden flower beds through a process of trowel and error.


Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…




Last week’s owl jokes are here.

If you like these garden jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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1 comment

  1. There was a young man from Leeds
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds
    Great tufts of grass grew out of his arse
    And his balls were covered in weeds

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