pressed the hammer function

Construction Jokes

Following on from last week’s paint jokes, this week’s collection of one liners take the theme of construction jokes. As normal, don’t expect too much hilarity or originality…




Always convinced myself that my friend wasn’t taking things from local building sites, but when I look back now, the signs were there.


I’ve got another friend who drives a steamroller. He’s such a flatterer.


I used to be a drill operator, but it was boring.


I watched a documentary about how they fix steel girders together last night. Riveting!


Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.


I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.


I’ve started this new fad diet. You have to hit garden buildings with a hammer. I’m just looking to pound a few sheds.


Went to a party with a construction team the other week. They really raised the roof.


Saw an argument between a carpenter and a hairdresser. They were going at it hammer and tongs.


Went to the DIY shop the other week and asked in which section I could find tools, bricks and tiles. The chap said they were under Construction. I asked when they would be finished…


Pressed the Hammer Function button on my new drill, and it keeps playing “You can’t touch this”.




Last week’s paint jokes are here.

If you like these construction jokes, have a look over here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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