Bed Jokes

Not going to lie, my bed is broken.
Not going to lie, my bed is broken.

This week’s collection of puns and one-liners take the form of bed jokes, for no particular reason. As normal, no guarantee of funniness or originality…


Heard a myth about a single bed placed on top of another one, and attached with a ladder. Fortunately, I was able to debunk it.


Not going to lie, my bed is broken.


I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn’t been made up yet.


“I was in a play called breakfast in bed once”.  “Did you have a big role?” “No, just toast with a bit of butter”.


Couldn’t sleep, so went to a counsellor for advice.  He said, “sleep on the edge of the bed, you’ll soon drop off”


Saw a shop saying they were having a bed sale, 50% off everything. When I went in, all of their beds were only three foot long.


I wrote a story about my bed. I made it myself.


A friend replaced his bed with a trampoline without telling his partner.  She hit the roof.


I thought about splashing out on a water bed.


Taller people sleep longer in bed.


Simba was always the last of the pride to get out of bed.  He was the lie-in king.


I was in a band once called Teenager’s Bed.  Never made it.




Last week’s Fortune Teller jokes are here.

If you like these bed jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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