Fortune Teller Jokes

No particular reason for this week’s topic for the one liners and puns; here are some Fortune Teller jokes. Those with psychic powers might predict that these will not be either original or that funny…



Two fortune tellers meet on the street. One says to the other, “You’re fine, how am I?”


I saw a transparent billboard yesterday. I thought to myself, “That’s a clear sign”.


I saw a billboard this morning that said ‘Future Events’. I thought “That’s a sign of things to come”.


Take heed of Frankie Howard’s prophetic warning about over exposure via social networking: “Twitter ye not”


Got an SMS today that said Max Verstappen would win the next Grand Prix. Sometimes these predictive texts drive me mad.


I almost went out with a psychic once, but she dumped me before we met.


Two psychics meet on the street. One says “lovely weather at the moment”.  The other says, “yes, reminds me of the summer of 2021”.


A friend started a career as a psychic, but gave it up.  Couldn’t see any future in it.


A psychic friend’s parents have started a business school.  They made a prophet.


“Crystal Ball for sale.  £50, but you will haggle me down to £30”




Last week’s milk jokes are here.


If you like these fortune teller jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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