Milk Jokes

After last week’s cow jokes, a series of milk jokes seems to be the natural progression, although these may have gone beyond their best before date, and don’t expect them to be too funny or original. They are not the cream of the bunch…



A man walks into a retro shop in Birmingham. He says “I’d like a kipper tie please”. Chap behind the counter says “milk & sugar?”


A man walks into a library and asks for a pint of milk. The librarian says “this is a library!”. The man whispers “sorry, a pint of milk please”.


Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.


Walking down the street the other week, and someone threw some cheese and milk at me. I thought, “How dairy…”


A friend told me that they were bathing in milk, almost totally immersed. I said, “Pasteurised?”, they said, “no, just to my chin”.


Worried that the milk I bought this morning has come from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly the same as a bottle I bought yesterday.


I used to think the film Alien was about the traumas of making a cup of tea. “I can’t open this milk!” “In space, no one can. Here, use cream.”


What do you get from a forgetful cow? Milk of Amnesia.


I bought a tin of evaporated milk. When I opened it, it was empty.


Jean-Paul Sartre is in a cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Sir, but we’ve got no cream. How about with no milk?”



Last week’s cow jokes are here.


If you like these milk jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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