Tag: humour

Meeting Jokes

Poor turn out at last night's meeting of the Chesney Hawkes fan club. I was the one and only…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Meeting Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… My local time travel club has postponed their next meeting until last week. Got invited to a meeting about stealing time. I was taking minutes. Had a meeting in a hotel but… Continue reading Meeting Jokes

Yoghurt Jokes

Opened the fridge to find a series of statues and paintings. Turns out I've left the yoghurt so long it's developed a culture.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Yoghurt Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Tried a green coloured frozen yoghurt the other day. It was mint. I saw a yoghurt floating across my kitchen. I think it might be paranormal activia. As I walked into my… Continue reading Yoghurt Jokes

Spin Jokes

Lots of people enjoy sport, but you're not really a fan unless you hold on to the ceiling and spin round cooling everyone down.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Spin Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend of mine invented a washing machine for bank notes. It’s a real money spinner. A friend did a PhD in Washing Machines. He’s a Spin Doctor. Scientists got bored watching… Continue reading Spin Jokes

Calculator Jokes

The minus key on my calculator is broken, but on the plus side it still works.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Calculator Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Got stopped by customs with a calculator, an exercise book, and a slide rule. Apparently they’re instruments of maths instruction. Always trusted my calculator. I can count on it. Managed to get… Continue reading Calculator Jokes

Rainbow Jokes

a hotel and was offered the black and white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rainbow Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… How do you wrap up some fog? With a rainbow… Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow. A friend of mine did his pilot’s exam just after… Continue reading Rainbow Jokes

Concrete Jokes

It annoys me when people misuse the words concrete, asphalt and gravel. It's all about cementics.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Concrete Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A fish swims into a concrete wall. Dam. I studied concrete for a while. It’s really hard. How do you start a concrete race? “Ready… Set…” I’m never sure of the difference… Continue reading Concrete Jokes

Quality Jokes

Quality jokes on social media remind me of CB radios. Copy that.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Quality Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Spell check: Quality control for wizards. My next door neighbour has a green triangular house. My other next door neighbour has a yellow rectangular house. And the people across the road have… Continue reading Quality Jokes

Orange Jokes

Someone told me "nothing rhymes with orange". I said, "no it doesn't".

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Orange Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Orange juice doesn’t slide well. It’s down to pulp friction. What is orange and fizzy and comes down the chimney at Christmas? Fanta Claus What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A… Continue reading Orange Jokes

Lead Jokes

A new bike company makes really heavy wheels, their lead spokesman told me.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Lead Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend of mine did an awful version of an 80s Classic at karaoke. It went down like 99 lead balloons. The lead of a pencil has been discovered that may have… Continue reading Lead Jokes

Sausage Jokes

Tried playing tug-of-war with a string of sausages. Ended up with pulled pork.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sausage Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Bought a new HP printer recently. The ink is a bit funny but tastes great on a sausage sandwich. Neighbours told me to bring bangers and rocket to their… Continue reading Sausage Jokes