Resolution Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Resolution Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… and wishing that your troubles are as short lived as your New Year resolutions.


My new years resolution is to get a Velcro wall and I plan on sticking to it.

I’ve just changed my screen size to 1366 x 766. It’s my New Year resolution.

Dr Frankenstein’s resolution was to make more friends.

I made so many resolutions last year that it took me a full week to break them all.

My resolution is to cure my fear of New Year and get over my Auld Langxiety.

My resolution is to travel about and plant horse chestnut trees everywhere. It’s part of my plan to conker the nation.

My resolution for each of the last three years has been to finish my novel. This year, I might finally get round to reading it.

Last year I resolved to be more selfless, but I gave up after a week. I realised it wasn’t for me.

My New Year resolution is to stop procrastinating. I’ll start it tomorrow.

I was going to make a New Years resolution to take my socks off before going to bed, but I got cold feet.


If you like these resolution jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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