Pint Jokes

My friend used to always say "Pints! Litres! Gallons!". That spoke volumes.
My friend used to always say "Pints! Litres! Gallons!". That spoke volumes.

This week’s puns and one liners are all on the topic of Pint Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…


Saw a woman in a pub playing snooker & balancing a pint on her head. Beatrix Potter.


A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says “would you like a pint?” The horse says, “no, two halves”.


My friend used to always say “Pints! Litres! Gallons!”. That spoke volumes.


They say football is a game of two halves. My mate Dave can get through about seven pints during a match.


A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road”.


A man walks into a library and asks for a pint of milk. The librarian says “this is a library!”. The man whispers “sorry, a pint of milk please”.


A neutron gets a pint and asks how much it is, and the barman says “For you, no charge”.


Someone just threw a pint of milk and some cheese at me. How dairy!


A duck walks into a bar and asks for a pint. The barman says “That will be £4”. The duck says “put it on my bill”.


A penguin walks up to the bar and says “a pint of bitter, please”. The barman says “we don’t get many penguins in here”. The penguin replies “I’m not surprised at £8 a pint”.


If you like these pint jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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