Pint Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners are all on the topic of Pint Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…


Saw a woman in a pub playing snooker & balancing a pint on her head. Beatrix Potter.


A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says “would you like a pint?” The horse says, “no, two halves”.


My friend used to always say “Pints! Litres! Gallons!”. That spoke volumes.


They say football is a game of two halves. My mate Dave can get through about seven pints during a match.


A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road”.


A man walks into a library and asks for a pint of milk. The librarian says “this is a library!”. The man whispers “sorry, a pint of milk please”.


A neutron gets a pint and asks how much it is, and the barman says “For you, no charge”.


Someone just threw a pint of milk and some cheese at me. How dairy!


A duck walks into a bar and asks for a pint. The barman says “That will be £4”. The duck says “put it on my bill”.


A penguin walks up to the bar and says “a pint of bitter, please”. The barman says “we don’t get many penguins in here”. The penguin replies “I’m not surprised at £8 a pint”.


If you like these pint jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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