wealthy pigeons

Money Jokes

The theme of this week’s one-liners and puns is money jokes, which come with the normal caveats of not to expect them to be either too funny or too original.  I hope you enjoy them anyway….




When is it most likely to rain money? When there is change in the weather…


The best way to get in touch with long lost relatives is to win the lottery.


I spent £500 on a limousine recently and then realised that’s just the car and not the driver. Hard to believe I’ve spent all that money but have nothing to chauffeur it.


There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who cannot.


Pigeons must be wealthy. They have no problem putting deposits on expensive cars.


Did you hear about the man who swallowed a coin? There’s no change yet.


Problem with liquidity in US Financial markets is the Treasury not producing enough low denomination coins. Doesn’t make cents.


How did dinosaurs pay their bills? With Tyrannosaurus cheques…


The golden rule: Those with all the gold make all the rules.


I saw an advert saying “Hairpieces from £5”. I thought, “That’s a small price toupee”.


I’ve just received a letter saying that my friend bequeathed me a very expensive antique watch. I really hope it’s not a wind up.


Large crystal ball for sale. £50, but you will haggle me down to £35.


Sad to hear about the last local balloon company closing. It couldn’t keep up with the high cost of inflation….


Got offered a great TV with a broken volume control that’s up full all the time. It was only £20. I couldn’t turn it down.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.




Last week’s time jokes are here.

The next series of jokes – about dogs – are here.


If you like these money jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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