Heart Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Heart Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…


A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso. He didn’t put his heart into it.


Spotted in a lonely hearts ad: “Scrabble player looking for love. Has GSOH”


To kill a French vampire, you need to stick a baguette through his heart. It’s painstaking.


I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.


A friend told me he was making a hearty beef stew. Turned out it was offal.


Used to wonder where we stored our national supply of tripe. Noticed that the country doesn’t have a heart bank but does have a Liverpool.


Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology. It’s totally clips of the heart.


If you steal someone’s heart, do you get cardiac arrested?


My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest. A bit weird I know but it just shows his heart is in the right place.


A pound of tripe and a heart walk into a bar. The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.


If you like these heart jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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