You should have seen his face light up when he opened it

Birthday Jokes

It’s my birthday today, so here are some birthday jokes to mark the occasion.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.




A man moves to a new house. For the first three days on the way to work he sees a woman hitting her son with a log of bread. On the fourth day, she’s hitting him with a cake. He asks what is going on. The woman replies, “well, it is his birthday”.


You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.


Most stressful thing about being a dragon: trying to blow out the candles on your birthday cake.


What did Long John Silver say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey…


What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow…


I was given a musical instrument for my birthday, but it’s still in it’s box. I’m not one to blow my own trumpet.


Bought a friend a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light up when he opened it.


Took my friend to see the world’s biggest fan as a birthday treat. He was blown away.


A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says “do you have fish cakes?” The chap behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.


Bought a bald friend a comb for his birthday. He says he’ll never part with it.


I got a limited edition bottle of Tippex for my birthday. It’s a corrector’s item.


I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until the doctor advised me to take the candles off first.




Last week’s Middle Earth jokes are here.

If you like these birthday jokes, there’s an alphabetical list of joke topics here.

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