Doesn’t accept coins though, only Tolkeins

Middle Earth Jokes

This week’s series of one liners takes the form of Middle Earth Jokes due to one particularly festive line.  As normal, these will not magic up hilarity or originality…




Saw a great Hobbit pinball machine. Doesn’t accept coins though, only Tolkeins.


Dreamt I wrote Lord of the Rings last night, turned out I was Tolkien in my sleep.


Why did the elf turn his phone to silent? He was bored of the rings.


Sadly turned away from my flight to a JRR Tolkein convention, where I was going to show my impressive hobbit collection. Airline said I had too much Bilbo Baggage.


I got a Lord of the Rings themed kitchen. I particularly like the hob bit.


Who was Elrond’s favourite Rock Star? Elvish Presley.


Bilbo always has trouble with self service checkouts in Supermarkets. It keeps telling him that there’s an unexpected item in the Baggins area.


An elf walked into a bar. The dwarf laughed and walked under it.


“At the third stroke, it will be six o’clock, my precious.” My new Tolkein Clock.


Bought the extended version of The Hobbit the other day. He’s over six foot now.


Why was Gandalf unhappy at work? He couldn’t get the staff.



And that festive one…

‪Imagine what Gollum is like on the fifth day of Christmas.‬




Last week’s Bottle Jokes are here.

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