Wood Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners are all on the topic of Wood Jokes, although you might argue that lots of the jokes on this site are a bit wooden,,. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…

When I was at the zoo, I saw something like a frog tapping things out on a piece of wood. Turned out it was a morse toad.

A friend had bred a messenger pigeon with a woodpecker. Not only does it deliver a message, it knocks the door when it gets there.

I saw someone drumming on an algebra text book with two wooden sticks. I think he was studying log rhythms.

Delighted to have beaten my mate in a wood cutting competition. He’s a saw loser.

Got my kids a wooden horse for Christmas. Got it from Troys R Us.

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.

Concerned about my friend who wrapped Bubble Wrap around his wooden shoes. Worried he might pop his clogs.

What do you call a man with a piece of wood on his head? Edward.
What do you call a man with three pieces of wood on his head? Edward Woodward.
What do you call a man with four pieces of wood on his head? I don’t know, but Edward Woodward would.

I was going to make up a joke about carpentry, but I can’t think of any that wood work.

Local council has erected a wooden statue of a sheep to support local farming. Not sure I’d go out of my way to see it, wood ewe?

If you like these wood jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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