turnip for the books

Vegetable Jokes

We’ve had pages of jokes about all sorts of food types, so on a similar theme, here are some one liners on the topic of vegetable jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of freshness – or originality if you prefer – or hilarity. There is a risk that you will guffaw more at a randomly shaped turnip.




I have a pogo stick made out of vegetables. It’s a spring onion.


“Spring, salad, shallot, pickled”, said a friend. He knows his onions.


What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.


I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.


A friend of mine has a vegetable patch. It stops the cravings for carrots all day.


A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit.


What’s small, white and laughs a lot in salads? A tickled onion.


Heard that burglars used a potato to smash a window and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.


An vegetable growing friend’s business has gone into liquidation. They make smoothies.


I used to think Elton John’s favourite lettuce was Iceberg. Then I realised that he’s more of a rocket man.


Saw a vegetable being delivered to the local library. That’s a turnip for the books.




Last week’s printer jokes are here.

If you like these vegetable jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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