This week’s puns and one liners take the form of utensil jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…

 
 
 

Found a fork in the road the other day. It was outside my local chip shop.

 

I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.

 

Woke up the other morning with a spoon in one ear and a teabag in the other. I think someone is treating me like a mug.

 

When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.

 

I have a device in my kitchen which makes smoothies that make me think heaven is a place on earth. Blender Carlisle.

 

Luke Skywalker & Obi Wan Kenobi were in a restaurant eating with chopsticks. Spotting that his friend was struggling with the cutlery, Obi Wan said “use the forks, Luke”.

 

How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.

 

I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.

 

A friend has an excellent nose for wine. It’s shaped like a corkscrew.

 

I’ll never buy a pepper mill from Wimbledon again. Everything was overground or underground.

 

A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks. “I’ve felt grater”, comes the reply…

 

What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen? A u-tinsel.

 

Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.

 

One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music. Think it’s the Chopin board.

 

Got a cheap card coming up to Christmas with 24 windows, but turned out that each one was just a little hole. Turned out I’d bought an advent colander.

 
 
 

If you like these utensil jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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