Utensil Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of utensil jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Found a fork in the road the other day. It was outside my local chip shop. I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining. Woke up the other morning with a spoon in one ear and a teabag in the other. I think someone is treating me like a mug. When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take. I have a device in my kitchen which makes smoothies that make me think heaven is a place on earth. Blender Carlisle. Luke Skywalker & Obi Wan Kenobi were in a restaurant eating with chopsticks. Spotting that his friend was struggling with the cutlery, Obi Wan said “use the forks, Luke”. How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon. I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes. A friend has an excellent nose for wine. It’s shaped like a corkscrew. I’ll never buy a pepper mill from Wimbledon again. Everything was overground or underground. A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks. “I’ve felt grater”, comes the reply… What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen? A u-tinsel. Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir. One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music. Think it’s the Chopin board. Got a cheap card coming up to Christmas with 24 windows, but turned out that each one was just a little hole. Turned out I’d bought an advent colander. I shouted into a colander once and ended up straining my voice. If you like these utensil jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics. And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us on Facebook.