taking the road

Road Jokes

Welcome to 2015.  My first page of one liners and pus this year is about road jokes, possibly because of my six hour drive earlier this week after a Christmas holiday visit.  As normal, don’t expect these to be particularly original or funny…



I know someone in a band called White Line. They’re very middle of the road.


I was driving down a road that was surfaced with emeralds, rubies and diamonds. I think it was a jewel carriageway.


Traffic lights on my road have broken. No change there.


A chap walks into a bar with a lump of Tarmac under his arm and says “one for me and one for the road”.


Found a fork in the road the other day. It was outside my local chip shop.


Two motorways drinking in a bar when a piece of red Tarmac walks in. One motorway says to the other “don’t go near him, he’s a cycle path”.


I was taking the road out of the city the other day when someone told me to put it back.


Why did the fish cross the road? Because he saw the pelican crossing.


Biggest cause of road rage? Cross roads.


Watched a chicken cross the road. It was poultry in motion.


Dreamt last night I was making pancakes whilst driving along a twisty road. Tossing and turning.


There used to be a paper shop on my road. It blew away.


I was grilling a chicken last night. “For the last time, why did you cross the road?”



Last week’s curry jokes are here.

If you like these road jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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