Pub Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Leg Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… and another page to come about the old “a xxx walks into a pub” jokes…

 
 
 

I was in a pub the other night, and some bloke offered me eight legs of venison for £200. I said “£200? That’s too dear”….
 

Went to an Abba themed pub, the toilets were amazing. What a loo!

 

Local pub is called The Fiddle, but I never drink there. It’s a vile inn.

 

I went to a pub quiz last night. I could tell it was a rough place when the first question was “What are you looking at?”

 

Went to a busy pub dressed as a tennis ball. I got served straight away.

 

Didn’t do well at the pub quiz. Turns out I don’t know much about pubs.

 

Bloke down the pub sold me a DVD. It had 3.14 stars. I think it was pi-rated.

 

Saw a woman in a pub playing snooker & balancing a pint on her head. Beatrix Potter.

 

I spotted a chap in a pub chatting up a cheetah. I thought “he’s trying to pull a fast one”…

 

Psychic night at the local pub was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

 

Was in the pub the other day, and had a ploughman’s lunch. He wasn’t happy.

 

A swan walks into a pub, and the barman says “I named my pub after you.” The swan says “you called your pub Dave?”

 

I’ve done a survey on how people walk home from the pub. The results are staggering.

 

My local pub, “The Phoenix”, burnt down yesterday. It’s reopening today.

 

A chap in the pub sold me a pirate Sat Nav. It tells you exactly where you arrrrr…

 

What sort of pub should you take an umbrella to? An Isobar.

 

When I was a taxi driver, my hardest job was turning up at a pub and asking for a chap called Spartacus.

 

My positive outlook on life stopped me from making it as a bar man. With me, the glass was always half full.

 

Opened a mars bar once. Discovered martians love gin.

 

One of my friends didn’t show up for the pub quiz, so we called a statistician we know to make up the numbers.

 

My local pub lacks so much class it could be a Marxist utopia.

 

I’m selling a broken pub quiz machine online. No questions asked.

 

I went to a pub called ‘The Light Brigade’ recently. They certainly knew how to charge.

 
 
 

If you like these pub jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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