karl marx

Philosophy Jokes

I got the first one liner below in my head yesterday and seemed to tell it over and over again, so it seemed that a good topic for this week’s puns is philosophy jokes.  Of course these words of wisdom may not contain originality or humour….




Apparently Karl Marx’s toilet plays music when it flushes because of the violins inherent in the cistern.


Rene Descartes was in a restaurant when the waiter asked if he wanted another drink. He said, “I think not!”, and disappeared.


Jean-Paul Sartre is in a cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Sir, but we’ve got no cream. How about with no milk?”


A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I don’t know whether it’s there or not”


Bought a reflective jacket. It sits in the corner and reads Descartes.


My local pub lacks so much class it could be a Marxist utopia.


I’ve finished my philosophy course. Or have I?


Why are pacifists bad at jokes? They don’t believe in punchlines.


Nihilism means nothing to me.


Kleptomaniacs don’t get sarcasm. They take things literally.


What do you get if you cross a philosopher with a godfather? An offer you can’t understand.


A philosopher never sits down at work. Stands to reason.


I did a course in 19th century socialist thought but dropped out because of poor Marx.


A philosopher tells a friend she’s recently had a baby. The friend says “Congratulations, is it a boy or a girl?” The philosopher says “yes”.


My local philosophy club has free why-fi.


And a rehash from last week: Why don’t Marxists drink Earl Grey?  They believe proper tea is theft.





Last week’s tea jokes are here.


If you like these philosophy jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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