Football Jokes

Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away...
Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away...

This weekend sees the World Cup final, so it seems a good opportunity to have a few football jokes. Most seem to be about a specific team or player, but I thought I would stay neutral and just go for the silly… As normal, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality… If you’re a fan of football and enjoy watching it on British TV, you might also like this.



How did Scrooge manage to score the winning the goal? The ghost of Christmas passed…


Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away…


Think my friend’s new girlfriend is a keeper. She’s got a pair of goalie gloves.


I like watching football matches when I’m at the hairdressers. The coverage is the same but the highlights are better.


Went to watch a match recently, and it was freezing. Must have been all the fans.


Local manager turned on the floodlights to bring on his sub…


A friend played for a team called the Musketeers. They started the season with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4-all.


Local team has a triangular pitch. I think someone took a corner.


Saw a team of flies playing football in a saucer. They hope to be in the cup next week.


Local amateur poultry team had their new star striker chicken banned. Apparently he was a professional fowl.


I like to think outside the box, although it has ended my career as a goalkeeper.


They say football is a game of two halves. My mate Dave can get through about seven pints during a match.


My team has had the same score in almost all their games this season, all 4-1 and one 4-4. Well done the Musketeers.


Hired Dracula as our keeper, but he was rubbish. Scared of crosses.


Cinderella wasn’t great as a striker. Kept running away from the ball.


Greek mythological team had a striker who was half man, half horse. He was their centaur forward.



Last week’s tennis jokes are here.

If you like these football jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us on Facebook.




Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *