you need to start eating more sensibly

Ear Jokes

This week’s collection of puns and one liners takes the form of ear jokes.
As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…


A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.


Why do scarecrows find it hard to share secrets? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.


A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his ear. The doctor looks at it and says “that’s just the tip of the iceberg”.


Not saying that I’m having an off day but the best way to make my eyes light up is to shine a torch in my ear.


I listened to the match the other day, but ended up burning my ear.


I had ear surgery the other week and I haven’t heard from my doctor since. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.


A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I think I’ve got a problem with my ears.” The doctor replies “Can you describe the symptoms?” The man says “Sure. Marge has blue hair, Homer is fat & bald”.


A man goes to see his doctor with jelly and cream coming out of his ear. The doctor says “you’re a trifle deaf”.


Woke up the other morning with a spoon in one ear and a teabag in the other. I think someone is treating me like a mug.


…and of course no collection of jokes about ears would be complete without…

What three ears did Captain Kirk have? His left ear, his right ear, and the final frontier…


If you like these ear jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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