traffic warden

Traffic Jokes

I had one of those mornings yesterday where traffic was worse than normal, and three hours into what should have been a 45 minute journey, I turned back as I was still only – as Bon Jovi would say – half way there. Every cloud though has a silver lining, and the traffic seems a good a topic as any for puns and one liners, so here are some traffic jokes. Don’t expect to be held up with laughter or originality…



Traffic lights on my road have broken. No change there.


Biggest cause of road rage? Cross roads.


Friend of mine barged through the traffic the other day. Didn’t even know he had a boat…


I had a phobia of speed bumps but I’m slowly getting over it.


Took me a two years of effort to get in to Oxford. Terrible traffic on the ring road.


Was never any good at hitch hiking. I went early to avoid the traffic.


I could tell the traffic was bad when my Sat Nav said “Are we nearly there yet?”


Tried driving in Cairo once, it was chaos. Noise everywhere. Full of tooting car men.


Traffic jam caused by a lorry load of terrapins hitting a lorry load of tortoises.  Turtle chaos.


A lorry load of pepper mills has crashed.  Traffic has ground to a halt.


Went to the National Traffic Wardens’ Association dinner last night.  It was an all ticket event.


Got a new job as a traffic warden, and started basic training.  Thought to myself, “that’s just the ticket.”


Do you know what makes me cross?  Lollipop ladies.




Last week’s coffee jokes are here.

If you like these traffic jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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