sedimental reasons

Coffee Jokes

The topic of this week’s one liners and puns is coffee jokes.  The drink might come in all sorts of varieties, as espressos, lattes, cappuccinos and the like, but these come in one variety: neither original or that funny.  At least they are all short…



Don’t think I could cope with a job as a coffee taster. How do they sleep at night?


Al Pacino’s brother, Cap, is famous for his coffee.


I had a cup of coffee with a penguin yesterday.  He said he would have preferred a fish.


Jean-Paul Sartre is in a cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Sir, but we’ve got no cream. How about with no milk?”


What’s Dracula’s favourite type of coffee? Decoffinated.


What type of coffee is like a cow who has just given birth? De-calf-inated.


Not a fan of roller coasters.  My coffee cup keeps moving across the table.


Popped into the local garage, and the mechanic was having a coffee.  Think he was on a brake.


I had a coffee today that was so recently ground it still tasted like mud.


I’ve got an old bag of coffee grounds that I keep for sedimental reasons.


Before I have a dangerous coffee, I like to have safe tea first.


Someone just ran off with my coffee. Think I’ve been mugged…


One cup asks another if he wants to see which once can hold most coffee. The other says, “no, that’s a mug’s game”.




Last week’s lemon jokes are here.

If you like these coffee jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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