a pain in the neck

Neck Jokes

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is neck jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.



The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.


Looking back, my neck hurts.


Went to a club wearing a set of jump leads around his neck. The bouncer said “you can come in but don’t be starting anything”.


A dictator complained fiercely about the neck wear he received. What a tie rant.


I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.


Why did the clown have a sore neck? He slept funny.


Chap goes to the doctor and says “it hurts when I touch my neck, my arm or my chest”. The doctor says, “you’ve broken your finger”.


Saw a vampire sprint race the other day. It finished neck and neck.


Someone told me they were going to hit me with the neck of a guitar. I asked, “is that a fret?”


A friend of mine bet on a horse called polo neck. He heard he was a great jumper.


Thought I’d called the Dalai Lama the other day and got sent a goat with an odd neck. Turned out I’d called Dial-A-Llama.


I saw the Miami Sound Machine recently and one of them had a blue & whit scarf around their neck. Must have been Gloria Leicesterfan.


And the award for the best neck wear of the year goes to… It’s a tie!




Last week’s salt jokes are here.

If you like these neck jokes, there is an alphabetical list of joke topics here.


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