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ATM Jokes

The ATM, or cash machine, reached its fiftieth birthday in the U.K. this week.  To mark the occasion, here are some ATM jokes, some of which may be older than the machines themselves.  They were always designed for humour, with their launch being made by a celebrity first customer, Reg Varney, before he moved on to On The Buses. As normal, this particular collection of one liners comes with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…




I do enjoy getting cash out of the ATM and then throwing it in the river and watching it float away. I like studying my cash flow.


Why did the man take his money from the ATM and put it straight in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.


A local bank is opening an ATM built in to a tree. If it’s successful, they might expand to other branches.


Of course, there were no ATMs in the time of the dinosaurs. They had to use Tyrannosaurus Cheques.


A friend of mine takes his cash straight from the ATM and puts it in the washing machine. It’s a real money spinner.


It turns out my ATM offers a service where I can buy tickets for an Elvis tribute show. I had to press one for the money, two for the show…


A friend of mine sweeps up all the leaves near the ATM to see if he can find cash. He’s raking it in.


My local music festival has an inflatable ATM. The screen says “please don’t enter your PIN”.


I’m worried about the state of my bank. I tried five different ATMs today and they’ve all told me they have “Insufficient Funds”.




Last week’s lamp jokes are here.

If you like these ATM jokes, then there is an index of one liner topics here.

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