Airport Jokes

I’ve spent some time this week sitting in airports – bringing back memories of times when that was a much more frequent occurrence – and in the time that I was waiting, I was reminded of a few one liners on that theme, so here are some airport jokes.  They may not take off, and they may not be that original or funny…




A buzzard turns up at the airport with two dead animals. The staff member at check in says, “Sorry, only one carrion per passenger”.


A friend has bought an old aircraft, taken the wings off, and turned it into a restaurant beside the airport terminal. I don’t think it will take off.


A photon turns up at check in for a flight with no baggage. The check in agent says “travelling light?”. He says “Yes, I am”.


The word “fragile” gets thrown around a lot recently.  Particularly when written on a label and attached to a checked in bag.


BA statement on the airport: “I ain’t getting on no plane”.


I know a chap who got a duty free job at the airport.  Paid employment and no responsibilities!


Disappointed at the local airport information desk.  Asked them what the world’s biggest airport is, and they didn’t know.


Checking in for a flight and got asked “Window or aisle?”  I said, “Window or you’ll do what?”


“The camera adds ten pounds” said the check in agent as he checked my bag.


Friend of mine works as a baggage handler at the airport, but used to be a lawyer.  He kept losing his cases.




Last week’s river jokes are here.

If you like these airport jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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