Tag: witty

Plate Jokes

I was in a cafe the other day and when I turned on my laptop I kept getting pictures of stews and casseroles. Turned out I was in a wireless hotpot.

This week’s puns and one liners come with the topic of plate jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…   Friend of mine is in an 80s tribute band who wear yellow metal plates. Banana Armour.   Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.  … Continue reading Plate Jokes

Delivery Jokes

Saw an advert for an Adam and the Ants music book, and they throw in a free stand and deliver.

It’s often said that jokes are all about delivery, so here are some delivery jokes. As normal, don’t expect hilarity or originality…       Had a night out with a group of Wagon Wheel delivery drivers. They really take the biscuit.   A friend wants to give up being a postman to become a… Continue reading Delivery Jokes

Parrot Jokes

If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I'd teach it to say is "Help! They've turned me into a parrot!"

This week’s collection of puns and one liners takes the theme of parrot jokes, for no particular reason.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of originality or hilarity…       What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.   What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.   What… Continue reading Parrot Jokes

Snake Jokes

My pet snake is exactly 3.14 metres long. He’s a πthon.

This week’s puns and one liners take the theme of snake jokes, for no particular reason. They just happen to rhyme with last week’s cake jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I’m a bit worried about the snake that ate the Meccano set. Apparently he’s now… Continue reading Snake Jokes

Exam Jokes

Just go an A, a C, a D and a C in my A Levels and have been accepted by a university in Yorkshire. I'm on a highway to Hull.

It’s exam season at the moment with lots of people getting their results, so here are some exam jokes. I remember getting my A level results really clearly, best wishes to all those who just got their results. Of course, these jokes as normal come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…      … Continue reading Exam Jokes

Fan Jokes

I'm not a fan of shopping centres. Once you've seen one, you've seen the mall.

The sun has been shining during this first week of July, and there have been plenty of fans and air conditioning units hard at work, so here are some fan jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       A friend of mine used to love farm machinery, now… Continue reading Fan Jokes

Rice Jokes

I can tell I'm having a bad day when even my Rice Krispies don't talk to me.

I was out for dinner last night thinking about a topic for this week’s puns and rice jokes came to mind. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.       I opened my birthday card and rice poured out everywhere. It was from Uncle Ben.   I was at a… Continue reading Rice Jokes

Reunion Jokes

Of all the reunions I've been to, the best was that of the Wagon Wheels delivery drivers. That took the biscuit.

I went to a reunion this week of some old colleagues and friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in ages.  It was a lovely evening, and the subject of jokes came up, and it was suggested that perhaps the evening could inspire a page here, hence here are some Reunion Jokes.  Unfortunately this page… Continue reading Reunion Jokes

Pasta Jokes

Who is the saddest person in the pasta factory? The chap who’s filling cannelloni.

I was driving into Birmingham yesterday thinking about topics for one liners, and as I was traversing Spaghetti Junction -or Gravelly Hill Interchange if you prefer – I thought that Pasta Jokes would make a good topic. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Almost dropped a plate… Continue reading Pasta Jokes

Pear Jokes

I tried growing genetically modified apples but it's gone pear shaped.

We’ve had various fruit based jokes before including apples, lemons and bananas, so continuing the occasional theme, here are some pear jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. If you like them, have a go at playing Guess My Fruit.       Went to the shop today to buy… Continue reading Pear Jokes