Tag: humour

Rug Jokes

Tried to speed up my magic carpet for the big race but was told I couldn't use performance enhancing rugs.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rug Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I got 20% off at the local carpet shop. I’m going to have to buy a big rug now to cover that bit. What did the rug say to the floor? Don’t… Continue reading Rug Jokes

Button Jokes

I used to wonder where they stored spare belly buttons, then I realised it's in the Naval Reserve.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Button Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Pressed the Hammer Function button on my new drill, and it keeps playing “You can’t touch this”. Not to say I’m out of date, but I just spent half an hour trying… Continue reading Button Jokes

Gravity Jokes

Gravity is a fundamental force. If you remove it, you get gravy.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Gravity Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Read a book about the relatively low gravity on the surface of Mars. Couldn’t put it down. Got some anti-gravity drinks. They’re very uplifting. I always find gravity disappointing. It always brings… Continue reading Gravity Jokes

Cinema Jokes

Told the doctor that I kept thinking I worked at a cinema. He told me I was just projecting.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Cinema Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Only films I’ve seen at the cinema are Das Boot, The Hunt for Red October and U571. I only go for subtitles. Went to the cinema to see a film about playing… Continue reading Cinema Jokes

Alphabet Jokes

I used to wonder what font was used for the letters in Alphabet Soup, turns out it's Times New Ramen.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Alphabet Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Consonant please. Now a vowel. And another consonant. Alphabeti Spaghetti can take a long time to serve in my house. I’ve invented alphabet butter. Now just need to spread the word. Someone… Continue reading Alphabet Jokes

Hoop Jokes

I put herbs and spices on my hula hoop before I used it, then I realised it was a waist of thyme.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Hoop Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Friend’s dog just got a place in a canine display team. It wasn’t easy, he had to jump through hoops to get it. Bought a hula hoop and it kept attacking people.… Continue reading Hoop Jokes

Knitting Jokes

Had to get my knitting needles fixed. They just didn't seam right.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Knitting Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… A friend with knitting needles told me he has a pattern for sunglasses. I think he’s trying to pull the wool over my eyes. A police officer spotted a man driving along… Continue reading Knitting Jokes

Alice in Wonderland Jokes

I've got more jokes about Alice in Wonderland but let's not go down that rabbit hole…

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Alice in Wonderland Jokes. It’s timely, as the book was set on 4th May, a date these days associated with another fictional world of wonder. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… “My girlfriend keeps telling me I’m like a character… Continue reading Alice in Wonderland Jokes

Tortoise Jokes

Why don't you see many tortoises wearing scarves? They have turtlenecks.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Tortoise Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… The police interviewed a sloth who was mugged by some tortoises. He said, “it all happened so quickly”. I’ve discovered the secret of a long life. Be born as a giant tortoise.… Continue reading Tortoise Jokes

Rumour Jokes

Rumour has it that all the judges aspire to go to play basketball on top of the local skyscraper. It's the highest court in the country.

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Rumour Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Heard a rumour that the local dentists are going on strike. Brace yourselves… Heard a rumour of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth. I heard a rumour that… Continue reading Rumour Jokes