Sale Jokes

For sale: Midwife manuals. (Can deliver)
For sale: Midwife manuals. (Can deliver)

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Sale Jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…


Pleased at our choice of celebrity to open our jumble sale. Axl Rose made everyone feel welcome.


Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.


Big sale on rowing paddles at my local shop. It’s quite an oar deal.


I went to buy a new mattress the other day. I wasn’t sure about it, so the salesman told me to go away and sleep on it.


Large crystal ball for sale. £50, but you will haggle me down to £35.


Went to a car boot sale. No idea why, I’ve already got a car boot.


For sale: Broken quiz machine, £10. No questions asked.


Looking for a new car, I saw an advert saying “Polo for sale. Mint condition”.


I got a three foot long ruler at a yard sale.


For sale: Watch with half a face. For a limited time only.


For sale: Midwife text books. (Can deliver)


On eBay; “For sale, Incredible Hulk t-shirt. Usual wear & tear”.


Saw an advert for a really quiet guitar on eBay. No strings attached.


Saw a sign in a window, “Flat screen TV for sale, only £20. Broken volume control”. Couldn’t turn it down.


There was a third off all book titles at the local shop, so I bought a copy of The Lion, The Witch.

Somebody gave me a leaflet that said “jumble sale”. So far I’ve got seal and ales.

Saw on eBay; “For sale. Almost complete Batman DVD collection. No Returns”.

Saw a shop saying they were having a bed sale, 50% off everything. When I went in, all of their beds were only three foot long.


Just bought a really expensive barge pole. Thought if push the boat out.


I was shopping online and saw a horse a liked, so I clicked on the “add to cart” button.


If you like these sale jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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