the p is silent

Quiet Jokes

Those who know me will know that “quiet” is not a word that normally springs to mind when thinking about me, so perhaps slightly out of character, here are some quiet jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality….




Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because the p is silent.


A friend of mine got a job as a judge for a mime talent contest. It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch.


Saw an advert for a really quiet guitar on eBay. No strings attached.


A friend of mine told me they wanted a ring. I told them to take their phone off silent.


I heard whispers coming from something that looked like a small red onion. I think it was a hoarse radish.


I like playing quiet tennis. It’s like regular tennis but no one raises a racquet.


A man walks into a library and asks for a bottle of milk. The librarian says “this is a library!”. The man whispers “sorry, a bottle of milk, please”.


Two lions walking down an aisle in a supermarket. One says to the other, “it’s quiet in here today, isn’t it?”.


Why is a pantomime often just called a panto? Because mime is silent.


Just discovered that there’s a library in my village. They kept that quiet.


Why did the elf turn his phone to silent? He was bored of the rings.




Last week’s key jokes are here.

If you like these quiet jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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