Mathematics Jokes

Never mention the number 288. It's just two gross.
Never mention the number 288. It's just two gross.

I had a conversation recently about mathematics jokes, including some of the puns below, so here is a full page of them. Some of them are a little niche, so might require a bit of explaining if maths isn’t your thing.

As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those who do not.

The 1994 film Speed erroneously includes a director in the credits.  If it had direction, it would have been called Velocity.  And if it then had substance, it would have been called Momentum.

Most vampires are rubbish at maths unless you Count Dracula.

Inside one in every 3.14 onions is an opinion

A mathematician friend of mine was scared of negative numbers. He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

A friend of mine made some tea whilst up a mountain trying to work out the length of a side of a right angled triangle. Turned out it was a high pot in use.

I’d tell you a joke about stats but you’d probably already know it.

I saw someone drumming on an algebra text book with two wooden sticks. I think he was studying log rhythms.

I left a plant in my school’s maths class room, but it grew square roots.

Never mention the number 288. It’s just two gross.

I saw my maths teacher holding some graph paper. I think he’s plotting something.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s sad that they will never meet…

A mathematician friend has a pet snake that’s 3.14m long. It’s a πthon

It’s a waste of time talking to circles. There’s no point.

When I was at school, I put invisible ink in the printer before printing a maths question. I couldn’t see what the problem was.

Two cats on a slope, which one slides first? The one with the lowest mew.

My calculator stopped working mid way through my exam. I can’t count on it any more.

Bit nervous about my maths exam. Think my chances of passing it are 40-40.

I called a local restaurant the other night and said, “Do you do takeaways?” They said “Yes”, so I said “what’s 23452 minus 345?”

Last week’s ladder jokes are here .

If you like these mathematics jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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