Dracula Jokes

When Dracula shops online, he keeps clicking on the button that says "Your account".
When Dracula shops online, he keeps clicking on the button that says "Your account".

Last year at Halloween, we had Halloween Jokes, so this year, a bit more specific with Dracula Jokes. Of course, some of these are as old as the legends themselves, and certainly far from being either original or too funny…..




Do you think Dracula spends today online shopping, and keeps clicking on the button that says “Your Account”?


What’s red, made of strawberries, and sucks your blood? Jampire.


Saw a vampire sprint race the other day. It finished neck and neck.


A chap goes to the doctor and says “I keep seeing a vampire, with big teeth and a cloak”. The doctor says, “have you seen a psychiatrist?” The man says “no, just a vampire”.


What’s Dracula’s favourite type of coffee? Decoffinated.


What do you get if you cross a vampire with a sheep? Drac-Ewe-La.


Why do vampires not attack chickens? Their blood is fowl.


On reflection, vampires aren’t that scary.


Dracula split up with his girlfriend after she had a blood test. She wasn’t his type.


Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.


The local vampire social club is constantly gritting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood.


People think I’m just a fan of Vampire films, but I’ve seen countless movies that do not have Dracula in them.


Dracula was on one of those DIY TV programmes recently. His castle was getting a revamp.


Friend of mine has boxed Dracula a few times and keeps losing. He can never beat the count.




Last week’s insect jokes are here.

If you like these Dracua jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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